Back to basics ...

As I mentioned - our journey really began eight years ago when we decided it was time to try for a baby. I had been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) in my early twenties - but no one really talked about how it may affect my chances of conceiving a child ... until I did some research.



I learned that 1 in 4 women are affected with PCOS, a condition that affects the reproductive hormones. Weight gain, acne, irregular menstural cycles and no ovulation cycle are just a few of the symptoms of the syndrome ... I had every symptom; and every website, magazine article and book said the same thing - PCOS can cause infertility. I was devastated, after trying for two years on our own we began the long, exhausting and emotionally taxing journey to conception.



Fast forward four years, three artificial inseminations and two in-vitros later ... not to mention the massage therapists, acupuncturists and herbalists I saw along the way and still no baby.



Now, eight years later it begins all over again. With the financial and emotional burden of past attempts on my mind - the anxiety is starting to build again. With every child's cry in a restaurant or the coo of a baby in his/her mother's arms, my hopes reach new heights ... could this be our time, would I actually be a mother some day soon?



A local doctor believes so - and I'm convinced that he's responsible for saving my life just 10 days before Christmas in 2008. I required a hospital stay and four pints of blood ... uterine polyps caused me to hemorrhage - if it weren't for finding his card in my purse I'm not sure where I'd be ... he nursed me back to health and we recently met with him to talk about next steps. Thrilled to see my body was on the mend - he's taking us back to basics. I'm scheduled for a hysterospalingogram to see if my fallopian tubes are clear ... a test that should've taken place years ago. We're starting from scratch ... with renewed strength and hope we're anxious and apprehensive all at the same time.

The strength to continue ...

I never imagined that my mother wouldn't be here to see us continue the journey to parenthood that began nearly 8 years ago. Stricken with lung cancer, my mother died within 2 months of her diagnosis ... not nearly enough time for us to accept that she wouldn't be here if we ever had "good news."

During one of mom's many hospital stays, I sat on the edge of her bed and we cried together. I cried because I was a losing a mother, she cried because she was leaving us before she was ready - she wanted to see her 3 grandchildren grow and wished she could see a grandchild from her only daughter.

As we prepare for the pills, injections and doctor's visits I think of my mother. Through two failed in-vitros she was there, through countless negative pregnancy tests, she was there and through numerous hospital stays, needles and surgeries mom was always there.

Mom was always an inspiration and while many think we should wait until I've mourned my mother - I tell them it's her strength and will that's a part of me, and she'd want us to continue ... that is why our journey begins.