The husband

His name is Kauhi, he's my best friend, my rock, my reason and my husband. I often think about how my infertility affects him. Over the past eight years he's been there every step of the way ... countless doctor appointments, procedures, medications and failed pregnancy tests - each day reassuring me that if we never have a child, it's ok ... that we'd fill our time with traveling and enjoying our family and friends, yet I could see in his eyes he was just as disappointed as I was ... something inside of me hurts so much for him.

While it sounds extreme, there are many nights I lie awake thinking of how I'm failing as a wife - as a woman - the woman he vowed to spend the rest of his life with. I always thought the least I could do was give him a child, a little one with his eyes, his smile and his kindness. When we said "I do" eleven years ago, it never occurred to us that having a family would be a miracle in the truest sense of the word.

Soon enough we'll find ourselves back eight years, popping what I hope will be the "miracle" pills my body needs ... and while we're hopeful, I'm terrified that I'll disappoint him yet again.